Shindoi (A Japanese word which means 'Its a tough job' )

19 x 24,9 cm
ball-point pen, colored pencil on paper

でもいつもスケジュールがはいっていることと、なにか作らなければと思うことで何か余計なことをしたり、アイデアをあたためたり放っておいたりする余裕が なくなった。それとも、ありあまる与えられた時間とお金をどうしていいか分からず余計なことばかりしていたのかもしれない。考えてばかりいたのかもしれな い。


I learned the Japanese word 'Shindoi' ('Its a tough job') from Lisa Milroy. She was an advisor of Rijksakademie at that moment. So we could talk sometimes in my studio.  She is a fabulous painter and a popular adviser. And she knew some Japanese words.
During the two years of Rijksakademie, I worked so hard to know what I could make. I kept on working and working but I wasn't relaxed for doing something playful or doing nothing. Or maybe I didn't take handle good with plenty of time and badgets that I got. Anyway I was not calm to look at what I made. In the end I found that I was feeling fear to make my paintings. I was tired.
At her last studio visit with me, Lisa said, "That is 'Shindoi'." with smile gently.

I knew the word 'Shindoi', but I feel like I have learned this Japanese word newly.
And 10 years long after, I could draw this word.